It was recently announced with great fanfare that there are going to be some new questions on the SATs, effective two years from now. Instead of having students labor over definitions of words like “pugnacious” and “mendacious” the new SAT authors are going to insert words students are more familiar with, and use every day in powerful ways..
I suddenly envisioned new SAT word choices like: “Yo.” “S-up?” “Dope”
POSSIBLE NEW SAT TEST QUESTIONS
1. Use the word “pot” in a sentence. Circle other words that might go with it, such as: Legal. High. Hungry. Brownies. Illegal. Arrest. Bond. James Bond. Bogart. Drug war.
a. put the lid on a pot or
b. buy a lid of pot or
c. neither of the above except
2. Use the symbols most popularly inserted between the letters d and m to indicate when someone is using a word or words that are becoming more acceptable in everyday language:
3. Describe in detail where you will put your belongings when you return home after college:
a. in the corner
b. on the sofa
c. in the garage
d. on the sofa in the corner of the garage
e. I am not going home. I am applying to grad school.
4. Choose the answer below that best describes how you will begin to pay off your student loan. But first, estimate your student loan. Use a calculator if need be to insert commas when determining the total. My student loan debt will be:___________________________
a. I will get an unpaid internship and try to secure a minimum wage job
b. I will try to buy a car to get to job interviews and/or
c. pay off my cable bill, utility bill, internet service, video games and/or
d. all of the above
e. get a job in my career field that pays at least half of my student debt
5. Tell us your SAT tutor’s last name. (This question required by law.)
In twenty words or less, also give us his/her contact information.
a. Describe foods commonly eaten in said country of origin.
b. Can you find that country on a map?
c. Describe your views on border security in one word.
6. How many vowels does the word “Google” have? (Hint: a vowel is what usually separates consonants, while large bodies of water are what usually separate continents.)_________
a. Is “Google” as written a noun or a verb?
b. Is Android a noun or a brand?
c. Based on large maps covered with dots, which company offers better coverage?____AT&T____Sprint_____Nextel___Verizon____Progressive
d. Who is poised to soon take over all media outlets? (Hint: First syllable is derived from the root word for “Communist” and last syllable is something you put on a broken arm.)________________
e. Did the unnamed SAT author reveal any idealogical bias in the question above? If so, what? If not, why not?
7. Write an essay about your life dreams using only emoticons.
8. Use the word “awesome” in a sentence. (Hint: A sentence sometimes consists of a more than three words in a row.)
Bonus: Use the words “awesome” and “amazing” in the same sentence.
9. Tell us why you deserve to go to college. Convince us that we should let you in, knowing our acceptance rate is 1 out of 10,000. At the same time, indicate whether, in your opinion, college admittance exams are mendacious, pugnacious, or both.
10. Draw a direct line from your proposed course work to your career field.
(If you cannot do this, no penalty will occur. You will, however,
be charged $300 per credit hour no matter what.)
a. Knowing this, tell us how you feel on your Facebook page.
b. Please select the “like” icon next to “New SAT.”
c. Did you text while taking this test? ___Yes____ No____ Sue me
Congratulations. You have completed the writing skills portion of the SAT. You may now move on to the math portion. Repeat to yourself. Algebra is my friend. Calculus will get me through. Geometry is more than just a pretty word. I will use these formulas. I will use these formulas.
Bonus: How many questions were really on this test? You may use your fingers if necessary.
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